He was all up on my grill like I was having a BBQ. I DONT EVEN KNOW HOW TO USE A GRILL.
she just sneezed while going down on me. is it rude for me to ask her to do it again?
just next time i won't let coke make me think I'm superman and drink a shit ton.
Can someone please explain to me how I got rugburn on my tits?
I mean if she was naked in my room I would talk to her
Are my feet made of real feet?
Remind me tomorrow that I was taking shots of burnetts in the subway line while placing my order
Don't come. It's not even a party it's a total sausage fest. Like 20 drunk dudes in a bedroom. We can still drink by ourselves though it'll be ok
Also cheers for the reminder to check last night's texts. It's been a magical adventure through drunk me's thought process.
k. The important thing is we are going out. You are stones. I am mildly hallucenating.
I just saw a bunch of drunk old guys riding on the side of a modified old fire truck yelling at cars and smoking while they looked for parking...promise we will be just like them when we grow up?
I'm craigslisting fire trucks as we speak
I woke up to my one night stand and he said, "now that's the one to beat"
He came over last night and as soon as we started having sex Siri announced "you've arrived at your destination." I think it was some kinda sign
Getting drunk in an Applebee's pray for me
Lord god protect this child
WE'RE NOT MAKING A DICK PIZZA OKAY
Randomize
