my facebook friend requests are always from girls of boyfriends i have fucked, facebook is the worst reminder of shame
im letting my talent of no gag reflex go to waste
You know you're deprived when the only thing you taste while chewing gum is the 2 grams of sugar alcohol.
i feel this will be the best possible way to start a friendship. By breaking into his house.
definitely fulfilled the lesbian status quo and fucked her in the back seat of my prius
There's sex hanging in the air like a pinata. European people are no joke.
I'm pretty sure at any given moment you could wring out my liver and get a couple of shots of jäger.
Men are not even allowed to look at you without a condom on.
I may have just made our entire microwave glow green. Like big green. Like spark and make me shit green.
Like worse than the time I blew up the microwave with the egg green.
Making a mobile stripper pole for the back of my truck memorial weekend. Is where dignity goes to die
Woke up in a bathtub with both of my legs broken. How was your night?
I just want to sit my fat ass down at McDonald's and never leave
I'm just impressed that you can puke without losing your gum
Just to clarify, i'm coming over for tacos not a threesome
Put down the Captain Crunch and get over here. It’s a dickfest!!
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