i'm pretty confident that i watched a woman making love to a german shepherd.
he wasnt completely random
you're right. you met him once and didnt know his name. you still dont
i get things done.
I hope you have a really shitty weekend. I love you.
I'M GETTING MARRIED!
YOU'RE STILL MARRIED!
Hit a parked car with a "property of Jesus Christ" bumper sticker. Wrote out five hail mary's and left it on the windshield.
People are suprisingly accepting of someone doing a walk of shame in a toga...
Just ducktaped my beer to my bike. See you in ten.
We FINALLY fucked. I swear that's the longest I've ever held out for
Umm you met him three days ago....
I said what I said
She's an ex-convict. She actually got stabbed in the face with a pen while in prison. No big deal.
We are so drunk half our team had to bowl with a chaperone. We won every game. We drink
I'm pretty sure I just orgasmned my way out of paying for that weed
well whats the tarot card for I'm totes going to be schlobbing his cob? because that's in his future.
Happy Father's Day to the first man I called Daddy while cumming.
I did a trust fall off the bar and then almost got into a knife fight over a push up competition. Just another Tuesday.
My vibrator turned on under my pillow when I was taking a nap this morning... I nearly shit my pants.
Randomize
