Dude. I just woke up without a shirt or bra on. Apparently I fell asleep with a quesadilla in my mouth. I can feel my liver hating me.
I've heard semen is good for your skin though, so that pimple on my chin should clear right up.
I want Jason Statham to talk British to my vagina.
You were scared that your teeth were shrinking so you stuck your fist in your mouth. then you were convinced your hand was growing cuz it got stuck so yu started crying
the last 2 times weve had drunk sex ive had to get the morning after pill.. he's turning into a real expensive fuck buddy.
I must say your penis is just as photogenic as you
He dropped me off at 4 in the morning because I made fun of Pearl Jam..
Thanks again for allowing my sister to lose her virginity on your bed.
I'm glad I booty called you last night. It was nice to see you and talk, in between all the sex...
I just set a bowl of cap n crunch on fire. That high.
Just face planted the stairs. Apparently Santa brought an extra step while I was at the bar... Fucking dick
My kids are NEVER playing in the park more than 2 feet away from me until they are capable of punching an eagle.
But I'm currently thinking of all my bad decision making last night and giving myself a time out.
He came all over her clothes we have to leave
I'm somewhere between crying and wanting to orgasm.
Randomize
