Your vagina is a self cleaning oven.
If I die today, promise to let the world know I partied.... oh god did I party
He picked me up went to throw me on his bed. I landed on the wood frame. That's how I broke my rib. We still fucked. Thanks tequila. Best injury ever
This guy just told me he wanted to bathe in bong water with me and then tried to lick my nipple through my bra. This could be love.
The gay is strong with you! You're more concerned about my outfit than my safety.
We need to do something soon. I need like 4,000 beers and a cigarette.
I asked my boss to leave early for a booty call. She said yes. See.... everyone sees it's important I get laid.
I seriously have her in my phone as "Legit 8"...even I'm surprised
I was like can I please fuck your hips back into realignment
my mom said i came home and fell asleep on the floor. like right in front of her.
If only I could bank my drunk hookups for a sober IOU.
Even though I'm gonna be a felon I'm having fun for time being.
but dude how did I get so drunk?
Pretty sure it happened right after you poured a shot of Wild Turkey into your Budweiser, chugged it, and screamed "I. NEVER. BACK. DOWN!"
she's always on high-alert for lesbians
Her mom Is so hot that when she was bending over i just zoned out starin at her ass her dad slapped me on the back an said let me tell you son everything you see here is mine and you had better realize i felt like simba
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