he has cookie breath... dont trust fat people.
After me and my boyfriend broke up I had to resist the temptation to send a mass text to my booty calls saying "thank you for your patience. it will be rewarded."
She just used a chaser for red wine.
Judging by the grocery store, everyone stocked up on frozen pizza and beer for the blizzard. If our generation ever faces doomsday, we'll go out smiling.
by the way- Brandy out of a doggy bowl was AMAZING
I'm wearing red that night.
Noted, what shade?
Whore.
Lets start a coed nudist frat/sorority. It would be amazing. Or just an orgy club. It would also be amazing
Go for it! You're young. Have fun. Be somebody's expensive hobby like Anastasia Steele.
Just saw the mall santa roll by on a rascal scooter holding a chic-fil-a milkshake and stop to chat up trio of cute 20-somethings. New hero.
So it's ironically funny that my psychiatrist's office and my cocaine dealer's house are on the same street
I need a good cry or an orgasm and neither of them are gonna happen to me and i'm so frustrated
You have talents. You got me laid two weekends in a row in two different cities.
i dont think sending her flowers will make her forgive you running over her foot.
I walked over and you were apologizing to him because you're lady gaga and he's not. The best part was that he forgave you.
He answered the door stark naked. When I called him on it he shrugged and said 'casual Friday ' Some boys can't be trusted to work from home.
Randomize
