If you had to guess, would you say that as a species, midgets are more or less flammable than humans?
Less. Duh. They have less combustible mass.
I had sex with him, and then he gave me a $5 Starbucks gift card. Totally worth it
There's a walmart bag of my vomit outside my front door. I just really need someone to appreciate that with me.
My face smells like vagina and Im on my way to court. Fuck.
but you don't have to sleep on top of four different cum stains because you'd rather buy a case of Franzia than spend $3.50 in the student laundry room
She said "don't make this weird" and then proceeded to sniff me.
I think I slept in the cheesecake last night. Either that or I had a wet dream. Whatever happened I need to wash my pants.
We should bet how many people are going to get alcohol poisoning next weekend and whoever wins gets a free Starbucks.
I just took my birth control with Redi-Whip. I'm that girl.
I must be the strongest person who ever managed to get knocked down by a pug.
That's really the only reason I'm dating you, the prospect that I might get bacon
he was like tryna hang and chat and I was like dude there's an iguana in this room
I’d feel the same about religion. We can talk about it, but I want you to go down on me first
Making friends with the guy who had alcohol-infused whipped cream was the best decision I made all night.
WE ARE DOING DRUGS AND GOING TO THE STRIP CLUB SATURDAY LADIES
Randomize
