when i asked what day 420 fell on this year, she answered so quickly i knew i found my soulmate.
I woke up with $100 in my pocket and I was so excited until I found an atm receipt for a $500 withdrawal. Not as exciting.
THAT WAS PROBABLY MY ONE CHANCE TO SLEEP WITH A MAN NAMED BORIS AND YOU RUINED IT.
I am literally using a balloon as a pillow on a park bench.
Everything gets a little fuzzy after the flats of jello shots, but I do have a vague recollection of being at the top of a large human pyramid
Times like this, when you talk openly about Tinkerbell being your spirit animal, are times when I'm allowed to question your sexuality.
He went down on me while I had rollers in my hair. I've never felt more like a lady.
Nurse helped me count all my sexual partners and still gave me her phone number. She shall be #73.
No, we got so into acting out our role play characters we didn't even fuck. still sucess.
Competitive oral. I'm always telling girls they are only the fourth, maybe third, best blowjob I've had. They go back down with something to prove.
I traded my pants for a Santa hat last night and it was so worth it.
She was riding me and giving me score updates to the basketball game at the same time..... Shes a keeper
Sorry, was sleeping. I heard a rumor that I had a hangover, so I just went with it...
Only true party girls take their birth control with Smirnoff.
Did you just affectionately call me a scrotum?
Randomize
