Do you think this abandoned cigarette has herpes? cuz I'm tempted.
She rolled a blunt with one hand...and instantly I had a boner, I'm going to marry this girl.
next time the cops show up in riot gear we should probably leave
and miss being on the news....no way
dude thats like the second time shes peed on the couch at a party. we cant invite her anymore
He walked in, tore open the drawer, pulled out a condom, and slammed it shut. He was that ready.
i don't know. but im upstairs in the closet with a burger i found in their fridge
It's great having no responsibilities. In normal life I would be freaking the fuck out right about now. But the only worry I have from last night is where i got this shower caddy full of cookies. God I love college.
Meeting relatives from another state drenched in tequila and smelling of weed. I'm gonna kill you for soaking the only bra I brought in Jose Cuervo Gold.
She told me my dick looked like a baby seal wrapped in a sleeping bag.
Can't decide which I like more. Telling a girl she's pregnant or telling her she has herpes. It's the little things that make medicine tolerable.
I paused mid sex to tell him I wished I'd taken up barrel racing so I could ride better.
The trash can in my living room is full of Popsicle sticks and my vibrator has taken up permanent residence on my coffee table. I'm not doing anything productive. Clearly.
He started yelling "you tha man!" while I was reverse cowgirl
can you take a pic of your glorious tits but not send it just yet? I need motivation to finish this bull shit presentation.
Is there any reason why a taxidermic donkey head is in the shower?
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