dude on moped wearing crocs...somebody get this guy his man card back
What makeup look will say to the therapist 'I am a smart, well-adjusted young woman'?
when someone at the bar asked you a question all you knew how to say was "chug-a-lug"
its 4am. im standing over him in my bed eating chinese food, on the phone with dan trying to convince him to break up with his gf. whoredom.
I'm still drunk. I put on workout clothes this morning and just puked in my bathroom. That's the same as going to the gym, right?
I am not working on the very first day I can throw up alcohol that I legally bought and drank.
His gf just liked my changed relationship status. She's gonna shit bricks when she finds out he left her for me. Bless her little heart.
do you remember your solution to not spill your drinks last night? .. Shots, that way you wouldnt have time to spill them. i love your drunken logic haha
If you saw or spoke to me yesterday can you message me. Trying to make a timeline of the day I was too drunk to remember
Fire trucks are here again. It wasn't me this time.
Every time I'm hungover I just want to watch Harry Potter and cry.
An old biker dude just flirted with me at Food City. I enjoyed it. God damn I need to get laid.
i can do like, 15 pushups. 20 if i listen to dubstep.
like, you weren't just lying there, you were wrapped in what appeared to be the skin of a wolf, chanting doomsday prophecies
THE END IS NEIGH
Oh Jesus our whore days are numbered
Randomize
