Im broke. I spend all my money on weed cigarettes alcohol and food. In that order. I cant even cut one of those because you know it'd be food. I already stopped getting my nails done just so i could support my bad habits.
i just burped and it tasted like condom. please tell me i wasn't lame and made that guy wear one for a bj last night.
I HAVE MY OWN TITS FOR THAT AND I CAN GUARANTEE THAT THEYRE MORE GLORIOUS
Ugh. my cast still smells like fermenting hot tub water and bad decisions.
HEAR YE, HEAR YE! BY ROYAL DECREE, I WILL BE KNOCKING ON YOUR DOOR AT 2PM UNLESS YOU GET THE FUCK UP. IT'S 1:50. CIGARETTE TIME, BITCH. I LOVE YOU.
after further investigation i found out he's a little bit married..
The van in front of me contains people having SEX. I am in full view of a SEX VAN.
It's been a year of occasional hook ups....this was bound to happen sometime even with your jank ovary schedule.
The guy who just got ate on True Blood had the same balls as you.
Lets both be adults and never talk about last night again.
What if for Halloween I paint my self gold and make sandwiches for everyone? I'd be a trophy wife! Get it?
You were peeing off the rooftop and told everyone sometimes you just gotta go
Single lady's Saturday night: eat doritos, masturbate, eat more doritos. Do shot of Jager. Repeat until desired result is achieved.
I forgot what I was gonna say, but I'm pretty excited to not be pregnant.
Yay I only have ONE giant mystery bruise from yesterday
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