I just smelled my beer. It smells like coming home.
Apparently I did my philosophy paper last night. It's not bad either.
Brutal- a couple weeks back I had a 28 hr blackout and four day hangover. S'why I decided to haul it in
as they left, you opened the door, dropped your pants then yelled "don't leave, this is what you're missing"
Found a pint glass in my snow pants.
I'm sorry. I think I have multiple personalities. Or it was the acid. Either way. I'm sorry.
So how much of last night are we going to pretend never happened? Enough to stay friends?
currently waiting for her to check in on Facebook, the second she does I'm there. someone is getting laid tonight
I'm not stalking, she is pretty much begging me to come find her if she checks in
I think your dick broke my retainer, I normally wouldnt care but my orthodontist died and I don't want my first appt to be blow job broken retainer with a new ortho.
you were drunkenly making out with a 20-something in front of your wife. at least the guy your wife left with was decent looking.
I sent him a cookie cake that said "Congratulations you're not a father"
I swear to god if you eat that last piece of pie while I'm gone I will never speak to you again. I'm so serious.
His roommates are gone so we had sex in every room of the house and watched the wire. What have you done today?
I gave myself a charlie horse masturbating this morning. I feel like that really set the tone for the day.
Now i know i wasnt that drunk... So why are there texts of me volunteering for a nude photo shoot for an art major student?
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