Should I have a moral quandary about Skyping topless with him while his son slept in the other room?
Well for starters the people who just made my burger at the grab and go just told me to "hang in there"
I think I threw my underwear away at What-A-Burger last night.
I don't know if this whole sobriety thing is going to work out... It's only been 3 days and I want to chug vodka
Yeah i'd say someone being in the room while you're doing someone makes them eligible for fb friendship
Holy high batman
The hairdryer was like a fuckin obstacle course
I'm on tinder and every time somebody says something too creepy for me I start quoting scripture at them. My boobs are like missionaries.
Today I had sex and flossed at the same time. My relationship goals have been exceeded.
I am now "wine pairing" tums flavors with my strongbow, because apparently hard cider gives me heartburn.
Fuck you. You were a total asshole last night.
We will get to that, but can anybody tell me whose fucking socks I am wearing?!
the next morning we realized we didnt speak the same language... guess i subconsciously did learn a little german last semester. thanks study abroad.
ah the experiences a semester in Vienna can give you. Frau would enjoy knowing that even while sleeping during class you still managed to learn enough german to get laid
You wanna explain to me why there is a banana shoved down my pants?
My parents heard a lamp fall and crash and the dogs were barking like crazy so my mom got up to check. she found you peeing in a corner by the tv. And you kept shhhing her.
oh, he’s out of jail btw. as of about 6pm. one of his customers bonded him out apparently lol
Like he really got a coke fiend to bond him out?
Bro I rebuilt the dungeon in animal crossing visit me
Broooo
Randomize
