at a bar and heard one girl tell another her tampon string was showing she goes i dont want it in anymore anyways. then proceeds to pull out her tampon in the middle of the bar and leave it on a plate. ewwww
He could list all of the presidents! Every one, and in order!! I was so impressed the least I could do was give him a blow job.
Ah, yes. Making our founding fathers proud.
once the "do it" chant starts, any shot at an even remotely dignified party experience is dead.
Whatever you do to me, stop, I found yet another blonde hair in my asshole.
she kept her crown on the whole time i was giving her birthday sex
come over after work tomorrow, liz and i will make all of your wildest dreams come true. so long as your wildest dreams involve drinking champagne at my house with two girls who won't have sex with you.
He stopped responding after the animal pictures... I do this EVERY TIME.
i got up, ate a McDouble, then went straight back to bed.
You sure know how to make a day worth living.
Turns out the creepy dude who bought us tequila shots was the friend of a friend who then got us a table and several large bottles of champagne.
Never judge a man by his mustache.
So red wine goes with eggs, right? Because that's all I have in the house to cook and the drinking options are either wine or scotch
I just made mac at 3:10 am... My life is falling apart...
I'm wearing a fleece onesie eating pop tarts on the train to work. Killing it.
I may not have my dignity, pride or sanity but I have my pants.
the yoga instructor with the "dirt" and "roots" tattoos is seriously mother nature. i get my period after ever session i have with her. i'm trippin' balls over it.
Her hot older sister walked in on us, looked me up and down, then stared straight at her and said "I call sloppy seconds on this one" then left. I'm still debating on how I feel about that.
Randomize
