i have a strong urge to join the asians in the park doing tai chi. I think im still high .
I forgot i ate a salad for dinner, so while i was barfing in his toilet, i kept screaming "i ate leaves?? i cant believe you let me eat leaves!"
I swear I am going to pee, wipe my vag with my hand, and then slap you in the face with it.
You were in my dream and you got the lyrics to lollipop tattooed on your chest. Don't get it, it wasnt that cool.
It's 8 am and he's already trying to get me to make out with a girl.
there's no such thing as luck on your birthday, only drunken invincibility, make it happen
You three are like the Bermuda Triangle for morals.
This is America. Deny every slut accusation or own up to it
We had sex in the bathroom. Good sex. Toilet breaking sex.
I'm sitting outside your room listening for sex noises eating pepperoni...slowly
Woke up with a 22 year old with the number for a different girl written on my stomach, almost 30 can suck my dick I still got this shit
PUT DOWN THE JOINT AND STEP AWAY FROM THE TRUSTAFARIAN
He's a drill sergeant! The sadomasochist in me can't resist that.
Got a $290 noise violation last night for shouting "THE KING OF THE NORTH" til 2 am
You know when you're a kid and you play at the pool until you passed out? It was like that except instead of playing it was sex.
Randomize
