And mexicans. My burrito likes you.
I need to go to a fraternity... my boobs are telling me to.
Theres a note on my antibiotics that says "Do not chew or crush. Swallow whole." I think that would be a good tattoo for just above my penis.
a lady just got escorted out of the bar because she came in carrying a can of gasoline while smoking a cigarette....this place is the definition of class
He wouldnt stop screaming that he wanted a trashcan WITH a lid. Whats so necassary about a lid
I'm just trying to jam my tits into some coconuts and I'll be on my way
Thanks for putting the blue stuff in the toilet, it made me throwing up this morning more enjoyable.
Carry on my wayward bro, there'll be beer when you get low. lay your neon tank to rest, dont you rage no more.
I swear to god, if you fuck the hot one you're paying me back for the shot I just bought her
He was still there when I ran half naked into my suitemate's room where she was skyping her boyfriend and I started singing I JUST HAD SEEEEX
Body paints and jello. Your canvas awaits
Another sexterpiece awaits
So basically I really like drugs AND banging cops and it's starting to get complicated
God specifically crafted these hands to deal out orgasms.
sober me thinks like you do. drunk me needs sober me's advice. am i allowed to go to his house?
He just canceled. I got an amazing new dress and now he’s decided he’s spending the weekend with his family
In other news, there’s some rando in an expensive hotel bar who is going to get very lucky tonight because I love the way this dress makes my tits look. Want to help me find him?
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