some 7 year old just told me his favorite rapper was eminem and kim got what she deserved...god damn today's youth is in a dark period
I JUST REALIZED HOW SOFT YOUR TABLE IS! and I also just started rolling
Some girl, somewhere, is going to wake up with my face paint on her vagina
If i had 4 hands right now is have booze in 3 of them and my cock in the other all because you went to denver. just sayin.
Throwing up in the car while my mom drives, sister holds the bag & my dad holds my hair. This is how my family bonds.
One day, tell me please to stop buying shots when I'm overwhelmed. I might have just broken a tooth
I'm going through a really dark time right now
I don't want to hear it man. I just jerked it to a pic of my ex wife in a bikini. Buck up
I like that our conversation ended with "im gonna go get pregnant goodnight"
Well, you were never considered a shining example of sobriety anyway
I bought emergency contraception until I / we decide how to handle that. And target gave me a gift receipt for it. Awkward.
Good, I would never sleep with your boyfriend , or send you an edible arangment
I feel as if some line has been crossed, but only in this vague, WTF sort of way.
Honestly, the only reason I've been productive today was because I ended up organizing my apartment while searching for my vibratory charger.
You kept singing "your gonna lose that girl" to him right in front of her.. of course you got punched in the face.
Like I'll lick your nuts to make you feel better if you don't get it
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