Last-second stop at the drug store for lube and condoms. Clerk said "So uhmmm...that's a done deal, huh?"
High five!
i just google searched 'can you pop your ovary'
Decided to write a book called "girls don't poop and other myths I wish I still believed in"
The solution to mudbutt is never ever Clorox wipes. It stings soooooooo bad.
Just threw up in nordstroms while shopping for moms bday with dad. He distracted workers for me. No more tequila
The only thing that made me get out of bed this morning was knowing that tonight, I don't plan on remembering what happened today
my head hurts. i need an adult
and not like a cool parent adult. like a full fledged party pooper grandparent adult
My month off booze swimsuit season diet plan is working well. Plus I'm learning so much about my house, did you know a girl named Meagan lives here?
I ended up at these random girls' house they are smoking weed out of a gun
you taught an eight year old how to shotgun a half pint of chocolate milk, that's all i'm saying
LMAO I like how "don't worry I'll bring chasers" is your way of assuring things will be ok
Ever since I got to LA my dream self has been having sex with way too many rabbi's.
I was floored. Like way less concerned with him using drugs than I am with him not believing in evolution.
One can only be this extremely wet once a year and I feel like I'm bitch slapping god by not using this gift he has bestowed on me.
Idk, apparently drinking five Four Loko's and trying to fight a mailbox constitutes disorderly conduct.
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