Every morning i wake up and check his twitter like a horoscope
Cumbucket.....OH MY GOD THAT COMES UP AUTOMATICALLY NOW!!
he took off my shirt and said 'oh my god the legends are true'
I think I might stay on campus instead of going home for thanksgiving and see how many townies I can hook up with and no one will be around to judge
Def walking back to my apt with a blender, an empty vodka bottle, and a half eAtn drumstick cone.
She bit me. She gave me a brief pity cuddle. I gave her an awkward backrub, somehow I thought it would be a good idea to include the vagina in that. It wasn't.
they're both probably 7 inches? or 8? I'm shoving a ruler in my mouth trying to figure it out
And tell the hostess not to worry, she's narcoleptic and fell asleep on the way to the bar, but she'll be fine in a few minutes.
you were bawling because you felt bad for being so drunk and then you asked for a beer
If I don't quit picking up guys when I'm drunk, I'm going to need a vagina transplant.
I have so many feelings about this burrito
Why can't you just be normal and get dick pics from your exes like everyone else?
I don't think we should let her have pot anymore. She ate an entire package of bacon half-cooked and screamed that it was al-dente.
I woke up wearing nothing but my red thigh high socks and a blue wig. I have no idea what happened.
You told me you didn't want to go to the hospital because you were drunk, but because you didn't want to leave the "fun".
Randomize
