The girl I brought home was really impressed with the pile of blow you were doing while watching "Intervention."
I couldn't deal, she's a vegetarian. Every woman should like a little meat in their mouths.
apparently i ate an entire bag of goldfish, kissed some guy with a girlfriend who now wants to kill me, made my sister sleep in my bed with me while i wore no pants, and told my whole family i am pregnant with jonny's devil baby...never drinking again
I just puked into a plastic bag at a red light. Go me.
Maybe I need a light up heart over my vagina like Christina aguilera to get the point across
so would me posting the photos of the cock and coin jar incident be completely out of the question?
No I'm not coming over. That Bob Ross drinking game is too intense.
I wish my brain had a "congrats you just defeated the munchies" notification!
i'd say i'm about at weeping-uncontrollably-in-a-puddle-of-my-own-tears-and-urine level
He made me brush his hair afterwards because it made him feel like a ken Barbie.
God I hope the sex was good.
I guess "Ass Fun Friday" is not a thing no matter how many times I say it or bring it up in conversation...
I really don't want to get drunk alone tonight. Like, I'll do it, but I won't enjoy it.
I think my sex life is about to turn into a war on two fronts
there is a smiley face on my leg painted in blood
I'm pretty sure that's yours.
You can say goodbye to our security deposit.
Already? What he do?
Opened a bag of topsoil at the party and spread it all over the living room. TOPSOIL!
Randomize
