Sooo, his balls are like... bigger than my head...
i guess that's what happens when you find your girlfriend at the zoo
how you manage to cockblock me from 500 miles away still baffles me.
She said we should all be mermaids since didn't breathe for 9 months inside our mothers. I want her logic.
No He hasn't done that since the time he came in his own eye
traded hat for shot of whiskey. lovah yo life. only ADVENTURE NOW. OH GOD IT WENT TO CAPS LOCK
Hey since its national brother week is that eiffel tower option with your girlfriend still on the table?
He pointed at some girls and said "I'm gonna have sex with them girls over there", and disappeared.
Made myself shower before I'd masturbate. I probably should have wined and dined myself too, but that's pushing it too far.
I said to him "i can't have sex with anyone in my friend's living room" then he said "we can move the air mattress into the kitchen"
I made out with an Italian cab driver. Not cool. Help. Good news he will drive us anywhere we want to go as long as you cook food?!?!?! I want to melt into the pavement.
I am honestly trying to remember his name. All I can remember is that he had a weird mole, a daughter and a lot of cocaine. Please stop letting me pick up at gay night.
party tonight. bring as many traffic cones as you can find. we need to section off the blackout drunks way better this time
Sent him a nude and I forgot to crop out the Jesus picture in the background. The Catholic guilt is too real.
His cat just sat there and simultaneously bobbed his head up and down while I blew him
Randomize
