She has HUUUUUUUGE nipples
So for his birthday I'm planning on doing what stripper did when she put the matches on her nipples..lights them n makes him blow them out..SEE I AM dating material.
My little sister just found a condom in her bag i borrowed... Happy fourteenth birthday.
Moved my bed either I'm a whore or every guy I have ever slept with hid condom wrappers under my bed
FYI, if you pee in my bed (or even let R___ and E___ sleep in it), I will fart loudly during your wedding vows. Trust.
I woke up and she had washed, dried, folded my clothes, cooked me breakfast, and had started cleaning my room
haha, you sure you didnt fuck your mom?
It's called penis withdraw. Or alcoholism. I get them confused these days.
I gotta stop tellin complete strangers at the bar that they're the godparents to my first born
Find out what day classes start and I will come down to Richmond that weekend. Any broad who claims to be 18-21 will be promptly ID'd. My job has trained me to spot a fake from a mile away, and I don't need a statutory rape charge.
And as cleavage season comes to a close, so blooms a new season of yoga pants. And the people rejoiced.
We fucked so hard and loud that the everyone at the party downstairs starting chanting his name. Oh I we broke a lamp.
Don't masturbate while listening to Pandora. Just came during a buffalo wild wings commercial and I feel really weird about it.
I bought a machete, tennis balls, and matches. How is this NOT going to be a great night?
Haha I wasn't coming anyway. I'm watching Snow White and don't want to put pants back on. Those are completely unrelated. Have a good night.
I just discovered that jello shots are the best hangover cure
You said that last night when you did jello shots at 4am
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