Would it be too much if i wore depends to new moon so i dont miss any of it?
you ever feel like there is a sober person insided you pointing and laughing....?
Dude she let me cum on her face
You have the wrong number I'm the she who let you cum on her face unless some other girl has let you since this morning
Dear God. I kissed a man tonight who was born in 1936.
I'd like to personally thank you for not letting anyone puke in any of the salad bowls this time
That's cool, I just have to let the dogs out AND SO HELP ME GOD IF YOU TEXT ME BAHA MEN LYRICS WE ARE NOT FRIENDS.
Oh nbd. She just had sex with a divorcee. On a charter bus. At 10 a.m. On a Thursday.
it's just one of those nights where i don't care if anyone sees my vagina
A homeless man just asked me if I had seen any "nekkid chicks with heineken bottles run by"
Berkeley was the right choice
Jus saw ur date getting a bj in the mcdonalds parking lot...u want anything?
I AM AT THE LOUNGE WHERE THEY FILMED THE LAP DANCE IN SHOWGIRLS....IT IS AMAZING
Wearing rip off pants to a booty call last night was one of my most brilliant ideas ever.
I want my tombstone to read "making poor life decisions since 1993"
Hey, it's Valentine's Day weekend and were single and off our periods. Let's live like queens.
There was puke outside of my classroom and lecture was half empty. Damn thirsty thursday is intense
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