do you know why i have a volvo grill taped to the back of my car?
They have beer in plastic boots. How am I supposed to resist that?
It was an awkward 3some. I took her from behind while he just made out with her.
Had a speaker in class today. She asked whats the first question when you see someone pregnant. I said whos the father? She was looking for "is it a boy or a girl?"
He was using OnStar to get directions to the bar. I'm pretty sure he'd have gotten her number too if I hadn't disconnected the call.
I ended up with a gash in my head from drunken dancing last night. I love life.
He was fucking her while he was wiping my tears.
at what point last night did i decided to have a photo shoot with your camel toe
I have walked into stripper central, but I'm on the street at 1:00 in the afternoon
If someone made a breakfast cereal that was a cross between lucky charms and fruity pebbles and called it unicorn power with a huge fucking rainbow and a unicorn standing in a pot of gold on the box, they would be rich. Not only monetarily but spiritually as well...
I just shotgunned a beer and my lipstic didnt BUDGE. MERICUHH
I'm giving random strangers at the bar sips of my fishbowl, then telling them I have Ebola. It's a fun night.
for once I'd like a one night stand where I don't meet the guys mom or wife in the morning
just called AAA to get my keys out of me car and then afterwards realized they were in my pocket...stoner life
Do u think the bouncer will let me in with a giant stuffed snake?
Randomize
