I decided that not getting a job after college is gods way of telling me I will make a great housewife
It is obvious to me now why clam chowder & beer aren't a good combo.
I may have been to starbucks and 2 classes with balls still written on my face...
well that explains the french fry and ketchup packet rolled into the wasitband of my sweats. thank you drunk me.
he had me stop mid-blow job to make me use my phone to id a song on the radio..
i wasnt really sure how to responde to that.
I was taking a bath while he walked in, sat down on the toilet, and said "its like a baby, I can see it crowning."
All of the texts in my phone just say "BEER". I woke up with glowsticks on my arm. What happened last night?
She said she'll drive over, bang, and then head home. It's like ordering a pizza.
Question. There's no better feeling than clean shaven balls. Do girls get that too?
It turned from Netflix and chill to cringeworthy YouTube videos and chill. At least he's honest.
You tried to use him as a battering ram. I'm 99% certain that's why he left.
I HAVE DISCOVERED LONDON AND IT FILLS ME WITH JOY
He showed up at my house with roses and a bottle of vodka... to watch a movie. obvi i took the vodka and didn't sleep with him
you know my pussy doesn't know between good and evil
Let the record show that I hate your ass.
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