don't look now, but that cross eyed girl is staring at you... and me.
if I was a wizard from waverly place we wouldn't b having these problems
OMG - This guy with a mullet just told me - it wasn't a mullet - but his hair dresser layered it wrong. It's so walmart in here. I hate you.
I just had a dream where Bob Saget recognized me from when I hung out with him in a dream I had months ago.
I told her she has a very organized vagina; somehow she took offense.
we found a loaf of bread in my bathroom i believe its yours. sorry i took a shower before we noticed so it might be soggy
Were at her birthday dinner and her dad keeps buying me shots saying when I was your age I fucked the shit outta girls
Hahahahahaha remind him your dating his daughter
She saves ONE person's life while blacked out and now she's positive anything can be done "while fucking hammered"
We haven't even scratched the surface on the damage we could do. Just saying
My life is like a drunken tornado. All over the place and never passing up fat girls
That is cause you are some weird type of mutant that lives off of Alcohol.
well at least you didn't have your nipples chewed last night
So i just remembered that thing i use to do with your butt because of shark week.
just had an allergic reaction to my dildo. My life is ruined.
I discovered moonshine and fell in love.
Randomize
