Im in Brooklyn, he wasnt 23 or a musician pick me up
I feel like I'm back in highscool trying to hide my erections at work
after you threw up, you tried to prove you were sober by reading the ingredients off the shampoo bottles
I woke up this morning with a hospital armband on containing all the information off my fake i.d. WTF did we do last night!?!?
He just gave himself a boner while driving using "the power of his mind"
I could seriously attempt to try and saw my head in half with a butter knife cause im pretty sure it could not hurt any more than it already does
Throwing up out both ends. This is not how I pictured adulthood.
And I'm still awake, and you left me. Like the guy on Jurassic Park, that jumped out of the car expecting me to save myself while there is a man eating T-rex ready to tear my ass apart except theres a mathematician and paleontologist there to save me because they are bad asses.
Just had a flashback to Friday. Definitely had my hands in someone's bra. Definitely wasn't mine.
Omg how many tall cans is too many tall cans for 1 pm
Your phone just changed "liver" to "liquor" how dose that make you feel
I'm her ex, so unless you're interested in her massive moral failings and open season vagina, I'm not your guy.
I think the hamburger goblin stole my cigarettes. I left my purse behind her table and they're not in it now.
Drunk me is having trouble keeping up with sober me's standards
I collect Covid conspiracy theories like I collect Pokemon.
Randomize
