Why did we buy the only spinning apartment on campus?
ohhh my god. this party should be titled "my hookups of summers past" be expecting some good stories tomorrow
my advisor is telling us the best way to sneak in alcohol on move in day. I definately picked the right college
You stood up gave the stripper 15 ones in a wad, hugged her and then sat back down.
everything was going well until edgar threatened to handcuff the security guard to himself.
Freshman ate returning to campus. Let Operation Slut Storm commence.
Just to circumvent as much mood-killing as possible, you are allowed a small amount of laughter at my pubic hair. Too much and I revoke your vagina privileges until you can get your shit together.
They put paint on their hands and tried to see how many times they could touch me before I woke up.
Judging by this purple one they got to second base.
My usual answer of have sex with it doesn't work in this situation
I mean.. listen to "Put It In My Mouth" and you'll get the gist of my voicemail for you.
After 7 months of nothing.. shall we throw your vagina a party? as its reinstatement into society?
Some guy was coming onto me last night and in the middle of it all he said: 'It literally says this on my birth certificate: Francis Coburt: The Guy Who Can Pull Two Beers Outta His Pants Like Magic.'
I'm so high that hamburger just went up my nose. Mustard BURNS
It makes me feel all patriotic & free... And borderline diabetic.
Still alive. Just brushed my teeth with fireball.
Randomize
