I just watched Juno. I kind of wish I was in highschool and pregnant
We found your brother, passed out, floating in our pool, with a bottle, on a blow up mattress. How did he mange to walk 2 blocks and get into our backyard?
This is so stupid. Now I have to call the party planner and tell her that the break up party is off. They decided to get back together.
Omg I just met another drunk guy that is teaching me karate
I feel like our relationship should have moved on from you constantly asking if I'm gay
It was a fight. Me vs nature and drunkenness. And nature won. Big time.
DISHONOR ON YOU. DISHONOR ON YO FAMILY. DISHONOR ON YO COW
People were staring and acting all judgmental and offended... Like they've never seen anyone breastfeed in a liquor store.
I know it sounds all cute and shit that I wanted him to be with me last night, but it's not cute. I just wanted to fuck.
You should feel special! You're also the only person I've ever punched during sex
Left Las Vegas at 2:30 am, woke up at 11 AM at a Barstow gas station with the Valet from Ceaser' palace snoring in the backseat and no memory of how we got there. I felt like Raoul Fucjing Duke right then and there.
My bed smells like the plague
so how was it...?
sadly not as impressive as one might expect from a division one athlete. he lacked the stamina i had hoped for, and by lacked i do mean he fell asleep while he was still inside me. an epic wtf moment, i know.
I’ve cut back on drinking and now my body can’t fight off all the bad germs without the alcohol. That’s why I keep getting sick
You're lucky I'm holding your vagina in my best interests
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