i just got the best bj of my life in the pastors office at church.. Youre right jesus really does love me.
she actually told me to ignore the cokeheads in the corner with knives.
I woke up to my dog puking on my bed. Looks like it was a successful night for us all.
His tongue was like Jesus himself was blessing my boobs for eternal ecstasy.
I'm not so sure Jesus approves of such activities, but ok.
So another one of your girlfriends from middle school had a baby. Thank god you are gay, otherwise you would definitely be a dad by now.
My liver was like a college freshman on spring break. It would've danced topless on tables if it could have.
IT ISN'T. I'M A LITTLE HIGH.
YOU'RE ALWAYS A LITTLE HIGH.
NO. IT'S RARE THAT I'M A LITTLE HIGH. I'M ALWAYS HIGH AS FUCK. THERE'S A DIFFERENCE.
He drops f bombs like every other word and he just gave me 127 shares of tmobile stock for free. I feel like I should pay him back in blow jobs or something.
My vibrator looks like a lipstick tube. So does my mace. I just realized the potential problems of keeping them both in the same bag.
He's like a computer from 2001 in a 2014 world. It just doesn't work. Lots of glitches.
Once you share a nude experience with someone and three Norwegian guys, you're bound for life.
If there aren't any tits where you are, you're doing it wrong.
Being drunk isn't an excuse for eating all of the bacon asshole
sober me is not impressed with the quality of people that drunk me gives our phone number to
Have you ever realized how weird it is to think that you've fucked someone and don't know what their handwriting looks like?
Randomize
