just wrote on a church. and then stalked a boy, by the way, i fucked him. him being your friend, also, love tacos.
I can make a handprint turkey for extra credit in history. I feel like the word college should be in quotes on the school letterhead.
she is the kim kardashian of front butts
my mom just told me its unladylike to have toothpaste stains on my clothes all the time.. if she only knew.
You can't just hum the Jaws theme song when you pull down my pants.
She just fell in the river. Meet us downstream with the bottle.
The druken crowd just broke into singing "God Bless America" while waiting the newlyweds to get in the limo. My friend is eating rose petals.
I don't even know if I LIKE sober sex any more.
He just showed me how to break a chop stick with his ass.
I'd be careful with that one, she got 86'd from the family dollar while SOBER.
I built a fence. For the bunnies we're going to adopt. I'll fill you in when you get home.
My Sundays are fucking awful. Can't get a blow job.....can't get a win.
The moment I said this burrito on my nuts feels really good is the moment I knew I was drunk
Why would you get kicked out?
Well, an overweight man is currently not wearing a shirt. Or pants. And is getting in touch with his inner Chippendale. You can probably fill in the blanks.
Remind me to tell you: When threeways go awry, my MLK weekend story.
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