I like the name aiden. he likes stella. I told him they're coming out of my vagina, and I will name them what I damn well please. Stella goes.
Dude, hurry and get over. I need a wingman. She is on her 6th vodka shot and her resident ugly friend is still sober
Have introduced beer-pong to my work's Tuesday lunches.
My New Years Resolution is to come up with a new resolution monthly. January: decrease my shotgunning consumption speed to 7 seconds or less.
I can't believe all the places I got into shoeless last night. Apparently no one will say no to a girl covered in paint with a ripped shirt
I'm sorry. I know you didn't expect me to be arm deep in vagina when you walked through the door.
Don't let me forget to bring the toilet inside tonight.
He stumbled out of the bar bathroom at 3:30 am with his jeans unzipped and his dick hanging out - it was the physical manifestation of "blackout with your cock out"
I want to be stormed in. I want to be stuck there. I want to climb a pyramid of strippers to safety
Your loyalty to the Redskins reminds me how no matter how much I disappoint you, you will still always be rooting for me.
you walked around drinking beer out of a plunger and telling people it was a goblet...
In my dream I had to eat so many peanut butter and Nutella sandwiches
Maybe they'll dismiss me from jury duty after they smell beer on me. You can't keep me in a cage and then give me an hour and a half long lunch break next to a beer fest and expect sobriety.
I remember that. We went to taco bell looking for pizza.
totally just bought a bottle of gin with nothing but change
don't ever let anyone tell you that youre not 100% class
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