Dude, I totally just put a lit lighter to my hand for 10 seconds
How much beer did you get for it?
One ice cold coors, but those mountains lied
summer is not the time to consider going full bush.
He was telling me how the song fireflies makes him feel like he can talk to animals
no where in the syllabus does it say "no alcoholic beverages allowed".
I didnt realize my nipple ring fell out until he coughed it up.
Well we didn't hook up. Maybe from his girlfriend's point of view, but not mine.
It's only 10 in the morning...josh is already on the way to the ER for trying to shotgun a beer with a sparklers sticking out of it on fire.
Well I pulled a muscle in my leg dancing in the tanning booth drunk at 1 pm soooo there's that
WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WE'RE WATCHING BIRTHING VIDEOS!!!!
So I come home yesterday and my brother is like "watch this" and it turns out he's been retraining my dog to come running when u say "anal"
He made me cum 4 times, we high fived afterwards and then I proceeded to tell him about this guy I'm dating whilst I made him a bacon sandwich. I think we've finally mastered being friends with benefits.
How is there no taco emoji?! That's some bullshit.
Yeah I'd rather get obliterated at home.
Same here. I'd like to ensure that I won't get pissed on.
he really is such a sweet guy. it’s a shame i have to break his heart.
Cocaine and dance dance revolution for 4 hours. I consider last night a success.
Randomize
