I was scared of Debbie's boobs today. They were all huge and scary looking
She just did a myspace photoshoot with her baby
Hooked up with my first aid and cpr teacher last night. She dressed as a lifeguard and brought me back to life. Beat that.
his mom walked in, looked at me, sighed n nsaid 'when are u gonna learn' n walked out
please don't text me until you can spell three letter words again.
The next time you try to drunkenly strip me in public let's make sure it's not anywhere near the daiquiri factory or a group of police officers.
I desperately wanted to wear your shirt.
I feel like he has a double life, why was he walking around at 3 am with a backpack?
It's like the bat signal. He only texts me when I'm naked.
He added me on LinkedIn while I was baking weed brownies in the boxers he left here... Is this adulthood?
I have already put on my inside pants.
We walking to the game and some random guy came up to to me and yelled "hey you're the whiskey guy!" And then high fived me then walked away
So about that you can bill me for the chair but it was David's idea to jump from the window sill into the washer with "clothing pillows of cloudiness" to land on to get ahold of him you have to phone his mother
I just talked to her she really hates you like a lot
He has fairy lights round his bed.. And played Jamie cullum when we had sex... Hes batting for the other team right?
Also we're getting drunk and sledding down Caroline street. See you soon.
just went home with a guy that made fun of me in elementary school. this blow job is not going well for him.
Randomize
