i kno its fucked up..but id rather sleep it off than seek medical attention right now
then she made me sanitize my hands before fingering her...i may have found my soulmate
The mystery has been solved. Seagulls have sex doggy-style.
Thanks for stealing lime trees for me at 4:00 am. We're well on our way to having sustainable supplies for mojitos this summer.
then again I'm sitting on a tree stump completely naked in the dark listening to some type of glee soundtrack.
He was carrying a rolled up carpet saying he was saving it for tomorrow's Walk of Fame.
Congrats. You are not detrimental enough to my psyche to be discussed during this mornings therapy appointment. Please follow up next week to see if you made the cut.
The night went downhill when he lit her purse on fire and tried putting it out with vodka
So I have a scar from when the stripper tore off my underwear .... Best birthday ever
ripping the fire alarm off the wall probably seemed like a better idea last night than it really was.
I'm basically flying you out for a long weekend of sex and going to the zoo
I'm cool with that
He's the stereotypical redneck. He tried to go kayaking during a storm and almost got into a fight when a park ranger tried to stop him
I know now that the cab driver can get me a 10 dollar blow job. I'm practically a local.
Mark my words I will never date another cop again. I don't care if he's JESUS.
"He didn't answer my snap so I know he's arrested"
Randomize
