If I remember correctly, I may have been smoking a cigarette on the dance floor. This is the true sign of a douchebag in his native habitat...fmylife
we were playing true or dare on a webcam chat and i was way to drunk ...i ended up having to drink my own piss outta a beer bottle, life couldnt get any worse right now
Spider just rapelled from her vag rethinking online dating.
its like the voldemort of pregnancies, we don't talk about it
so i just realized i am an alcoholic. I was making some tomato soup because im still sick, and put vodka in it. sad huh? lets go out!
well, i woke up this morning to a note i left myself my dry erase board, "dear you: i had sex with someone awful."
He's stoned as shit, eating breakfast cereal and taking a dump. All while listening to dubstep. We may never understand him.
Well the nurse forgot to take all my stitches out, so my surgical tools are peroxide, kitchen scissors, fingernail clippers, a pocket knife, and 11 beers. Let's do this...
Pretty sure I blacked out the last 48 hours, the last thing I remember is the 4 pm bar crawl on Thurs
Can you believe they're going to let me be a doctor?
Just so you know swallowing does not help chest colds. Your Phd can suck my dick
Totally forgot Mike has only one ball. Is it sad I'm excited to see it? Or shall I say the lack of it?
Not even joking, someone broke into the house to watch porn. The cops are on the way.
Welcome to the single world where it seems vibrator batteries are in short supply and making a sandwich while naked at 2am is relatively normal
i put frozen meatballs in my drink thinking they were ice cubes and I'm vegetarian wtf
I'm pretty sure I hallucinated the existence of an entire human being last night.
Randomize
