I hate it when you make eye contact with someone bcs you are about to make fun of them and they take it as a hint to come hit on you.
You kept referring to your penis as "this guy."
Doing tuck and rolls down a stair case was not my brightest idea
We are possibly on our way, unless we see the limo full of strippers.
You know the party was great when the birthday girl gets arrested
Lightning struck the tree right outside of her window as I came inside her. I think its God's way of saying go by plan b.
My cab driver just started a conversation with "Three years ago I pleaded guilty..." Check on me later tonight please.
No. I either had a 6 minute orgasm or I had so many I lost count. I'm still not sure.
I am never taking a razor down there again. He'll have to love me as I am.
I'm gay. Congratulations to whoever had January 2014 in their pool.
Nothing $200 worth of strippers and spicy fried chicken couldn't fix.
I'm getting married
To pizza
Ordered a pizza stoned. The guy handed me my pizza and I tried to pay him by handing him back the pizza.
dude, shes trippin so bad. idk what shes on, she just told me she doesnt remember her name then proceeded to get in the shower clothed to try to "rinse off the high"
I was trying to decide if i was still high whenever i realized i was pressing the buttons on the microwave cause i liked the sound.
Randomize
