lol you are funny thanks bro I'll take you to a strip club
I don't wanna go to a strip club I'd rather get my boobs free or earn them from a series of good deeds
Ha! What's wrong with that? Hard work deserves compensation. I accept cash, checks, and boobies!
Remember that night when i almost got you arrested? Is that funny yet?
Doing final review now. Then epic shit. Then going to take it. Should start it be 1030. Done by 2. Drunk by 3. Hammered by 4. Blacked out by 5. Streaking by 6. Jail sometime after that
I swear I have "I love assholes" written on my forehead with ink that only guys can see.
Bank of America texted me 7 times in 12 hours to say my balance was below $50. I kept transfering money back in. Then I texted my bank saying that it was okay, i knew what I was doing.
I think i'm just gonna start shot-gunning everything that comes in can form.
Her vagina turned into a vuvuzela. I didn't know it was a possible to have a wet nightmare.
My dad just called from upstairs on the house phone to tell me to bring him a beer. You tell me how I am.
She poured a bottle of rum in the champagne fountain, did like 5 jello shots at the same time, then lit herself on fire. Twice. This is how everyone should turn 21.
i cannot be the only guy who has bought the every day with rachael ray magazine for use as porn
You don't have a penis so I'm not texting you at this hour. This is penis texting hour only.
I just found out via Facebook that my old dorm room is now the free condom distribution room on campus...IT'S LIKE THE UNIVERSE KNOWS!
Dougie got over his pride nerves. Found him dancing on a float wearing nothing but rainbow boxers.
I just made some sangria and taking a roadie on my stroller walk around the hood! Parenting at its finest
It has now been 10 days since we last saw Sebastians penis
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