I blew a .224 after sleeping for 6 hrs, cleary im a champion
He said he used to draw on the walls with poop when he was a kid.
Well I say she's a whore. All four of her kids have different last names.
BUT, one is Johnson and the other is Johnston. She gets some credit for that
The timing couldn't have been better if I planned it. His mom walked away, I vomited in their mulch, and then his mom came back and offered me bread.
This guy randomly got in our taxi, and has now collapsed on the sofa anouncing that he's staying the night.
Get your penis over here NOW. emergency
He just subscribed to one of my Spotify playlists. The next step is sex.
wow. there is a man who hates the post office more than me. he is causing a scene, this is a snapshot of elderly me.
The whole time we were hanging out my vagina was yelling at me like its a real live penis that wants to have sex with us what are you doing
So how do I get back in good graces for trying to trade you for superbowl tickets?
we got cupcakes after we fucked. gives a whole new meaning to sugar daddy
Dude, tumbleweeds have been rolling through my bed lately. This is my dryest dry spell since I was married.
Ive got small boobs, but they sure do like to pop out and party with the big dogs.
You’ve seen my tits of course he broke his wedding vows
I should have known it wouldn’t work. Someone saved in her phone as “Subway Sex” called the week before the wedding
Randomize
