Dude, we have the same penis size. Best friends for life.
don't worry, i already broke the ice when i told the story about how i super glued a picture of big bird to my vag.
Haha, just learned changing others iPhone passcodes is fun while drunk but not fun the next morning.
I just ate a whole bag of celery instead of getting up to get a glass of water. That high.
Oh no it's bring yor chld to work day...I'm too drunk for this
they shut off the water. shaving my legs with soda. that desperate.
Hey, this is Travis. I just so intelligently deduced that I am in a college dorm somewhere in western oregon. Probably WOU, based on the process of elimination.
so exactly what is concert sex etiquette? Before, during or after???
all of the above
Speaking of fellatio on fictional characters, the Stay Puft Marshmallow Man would be a delicious blowjob.
Sometimes I feel like I should become a beautician purely for my ability to shave pretty shapes into my pubic hair.
Sorry, I know you're at the airport but a gram of coke is missing so good luck with security!
I have six new people in my phone that I don't remember adding. One of them is "Bourbon Yeah." Successful evening?
Tomorrow I need you to slap me in the face. I'll explain then
I don't know. I wanna do you but I also want a cheeseburger.
Guy running next to me at the gym is judging me. I think he can smell the whiskey leaking out of my pores.
Randomize
