Hey guys thanks for lettin me crash at your place for the weekend, I had a great time. PS I got three quarters of a hand job from an asian on the dance floor last night. True story.
Did we have sex last night?
I think that was the general idea until I got you undressed and you puked on me.
Katie Perry lied, you can't just wake up and shake the glitter off your clothes.
all i remember thinking as i was puking my intestines out is : wow.. this toilet does look like it's from the future.
I just experienced a full blown christian wedding. I am SO GLAD YOUR WEDDING WASNT THIS.
just shottied a beer can with a pumpkin carver. i love October.
I don`t remember Saturday, actually
Its ok, i dont remember 2007
He's 11. You dont draw dicks on 11 year olds, i dont care if he ate your lasagna
cashier rang me up and said, "white people are funny." like i'm NOT the only white person to buy just lettuce & 40 glow sticks
Saturday evening, however, will be my vodka and bubble wrap extravaganza.
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
Only ESPN could find the two ugly girls from a school in Florida
I threw up vodka and borscht. I'm done with life...I threw this up in a McDonald's bathroom btw.
I maxed out my credit card last night on powdered donuts and beef jerky
She said "Im going to hug you" tried to give me a hickey then said her life sucks and started to cry.
Randomize
