I didn't slap you in the face. TEQUILA slapped you with my hand...
i just saw an asian skipping down the street and it made me think of you
Last night i was so high that i came home and did a taste test of every vitamin water and wrote theyre grade down on paper.
i think i have herpe
just one?
Welcome to texting with Mike. You're now leaving the sober section and headed to our insanely high bad decision making portion of mike. Enjoy the trip.
we've got reservations. ask for the eat a bag of dicks table
Please God, is a penis possibly making it to vagina town to much to ask for tonight.
Not good... He ate my chips. Thats not a sex analogy for anything. My actual potato chips... gone. I lost on both ends.
So you are wearing a heart monitor while drinking?
Yea, they said carry on with my everyday activity.
Face washed and sleeping pill taken. Here's hoping for a more sex filled tomorrow.
You'll be like the drunk Paul Bunyan someday with a giant grey cat
shut up and let me use my vagina as a weapon of self destruction in peace!
As I was blowing him, he proceeded to tell me that his friend who I blew years ago gave me a five star review on my BJ skills. And, he agrees.
Atta girl.
He was shirtless in my yard saying he was jesus
Hitting up all my dealers for my birthday grams is paying off
Randomize
