none of my boyfriends are responding right now, I thought I had enough to avoid this problem
I woke up this morning and "The Wood" was on tv. Touche TBS, touche.
He tugged on my tampon string and said 'there's a snake in my boot'. Needless to say he called me Woody and quoted Toy Story the rest of the night.
The handjob she gave me was better than the best blowjob I've ever gotten.. Just imagine the possibilities.
She's singing So Happy Together to her burrito, I want to be on her level.
there's a wings menu taped to my wall. don't tell me i don't have my priorities straight.
Bisexual Viking-cowboy hybrid is at the bar again
Dibsssss
At this point i guess a traditional, non-life-threatening pity fuck is too much to ask for
"Little drunk?" Honey you were "livetweeting" Sublime's "Sublime" album while it was playing in his car, and at one point you said you hoped they play Santeria. "Little drunk" doesn't cover it.
He peed my bed and tried to say it was just the wine. The red wine. On white sheets. He's not a good liar.
It's like you know you got fucjed up when you wake up and check fir your own pulse
GO RIDE HIS EYEBROWS INTO THE SUNSET
we didn't even throw knives this time! it was just the carrot peeler
We were covered in sweat and glitter, making out onstage, in front of everyone. I think it was a good night.
Not going to make it tonight. Some cougar at the bar just told me she has dibs on my dick.
Randomize
