She acts like you when your on meds
She acts like batman?
so i woke up on my toliet naked backwards. good night.
all a guy has to do is give me sprinkles and cookies and they can get me in bed
You tried feeding my python vodka through a funnel. Fuck off.
the fact that you could barely do more than slur incoherent sentences didn't stop you from correcting her grammar
and thats when we got a drunken mammogram in the middle of cvs pharmacy
All I can think about is getting a lawsuit and chocolate
Are you in a cab?
I'm close- can you order me a bowl of vodka?
not saying it was a bad idea to throw an impromptu party but someone stole the microwave
8:30 every morning in the third floor bathroom we fuck in the handicap stall. You have your morning workout and I have mine.
No it's only my right leg that feels like it's about to fall off. The left is fine.
spending my first valentines day single in 3 years blazed and eating heart shaped brownies i bought myself. WHO NEEDS A MAN.
There's some band that practices next door to my apartment. I'm thinking we may need to check that out. I could be like, "Hey boys, thought you might like some lemonade and vagina."
Seriously just told the plant the cheese Pringles are mine.
Man I was just the closest I've ever been to crapping my pants.
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