you were grabbing cocks left and right
you literally grabbed sam's dick and said, "who's cock is this?!"
she pooped in my shower. pooped. woke me up and said she thought she farted but it wasnt a fart i went back 2 sleep and found it hours later. no longer hooking up w chicks my moms age.
We discussed how the marijuana was making the dopamine float around our nucleus accumbens last night when we were high. Yet another example of how our science classes are perverting our good times.
Are you for fucking real.? He divorced me just because he got a fucking girlfriend.?!
Buying $100 worth of beef jerkey sounded like a terrific idea last night.
Somewhere out there, someone is getting laid. And then theres me, watching Star Trek porn while my roommate plays World of Warcraft next door
Just woke up. Need to shower and fuck. Be there when I'm done disappointing. Should be 30.
she said I was laying next to a garbage can in the subway doing key bumps and screaming "its my fucking birthday" repeatedly
Sneezing blood is a good thing right? Medically speaking.
Apparently from about 3-5AM I was consoling that crying stripper about her life choices.
We were escorted through the guys dorm by 5 kids with nerf guns and zelda shields. I felt like the president with a fucked up secret service squad.
I just realized in a weird reversed way I hustled a stripper last night
I was blacked out when we met, so basically this will be a blind date.
Oh. Why can't it be something easy, like a punch card for blowjobs?
Ugh I realized he only responds to my snaps when I’m eating a popsicle
Why are male brains so small?
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