If I was Danny Tanner and my wife died and left me with three kids I would hire a nanny rather than bringing in the sexually promiscuos uncle with a fetish for leather and rebellion and my obviously mentally ill (possibly gay) best friend Joey, who has never had a girlfriend and consistently talks in cartoon voices... a nanny is just a better choice
my tampon string is in my asshole... do you think i can get it out without anyone noticing?
i'd get off the bar first.
Pretty girls always come out on top. Or bottom. Whatever. Point is we come out with their boyfriends.
If i off myself, it'll be in a lobster costume in the hot tub with butter...
Classy. Drunk on alcoholic "energy drink" at work before 8 am on a Tuesday. Between that and hanging out in bars with no pants on, your life is beginning to sound like a Bukowski novel.
nothing says new school year like ambulances and police road blocks.
He's only a little bit crosseyed.
I think this is one situation where "a little bit" doesn't mean much.
Does your throat ever get sore from being choked too hard or do u think I'm just getting sick??
We JUST got rid of the new years fatties at my gym and now the spring break fatties are here. goddamn.
id say I'm a pretty good fuck buddy, i didn't even booty call him on his girlfriends birthday
he just sat there, in the doorway of my dorm room, chuggin a fifth like nobodys buisness.. don't know whether to fuck him or be afraid of his confidence
I just woke up from quarter beer tuesdays wearing 3 pairs of underwear, none of which are the ones I left wearing...2 Around my waist and one around my shoulder in an attempt at a bra. At least drunk me tries to be decent?
Lemme put it this way babe, at point you were naked in Target.
Where were you?
Laughing
Grandma is high again and locked herself in the house
Have you ever been anal in a bush on the Vegas strip drunk?
Randomize
