Trust me, I wear more condoms than socks. I wouldn't risk infecting my cock. It's my livelyhood.
is it normal that we went to that class once and both got 100's on the final? ohhhh, arizona state.
whoever says they hate hangovers just doesnt know how to embrace them. i'm eating a mashed potato sandwich and watching grind.
this guy is so high, he just ate half of a frozen blueberry muffin and half of a frozen poppyseed muffin, then proceeded to make a "hybrid poppyberry muffin"
Remember how I haven't seen my step sister in like 7 years? Pretty sure I just made out with her...
You didn't act like you were blacked out yesterday...
I didn't know
Fell twice in five points. on my face. literally during a cross walk. The cars just went around me. 21st birthday memories right there
I threw up for like 20 hours. Im gonna be the DD for the next 5 years.
Ted is on HBO in 20 minutes...not sure if this or the drunken dance party I had at the bar to a N*SYNC Christmas song 20 minutes ago is the highlight of my week so far.
If it was any colder outside, the frost from my breath would make a mixed drink
My dad found my bra hanging from my rear view mirror. Happy long weekend.
Also this just in, I think you could see my sequins underwear that say unwrap me through my leggings all day while I hung out with his family
Then, he ate me out while I watched Bo Burnham. Best. Night. Ever.
Dude, exfoliate your balls. you'll thank me later.
In any case. I fucked a married couple recently. Know what a straight person would've done there? Been super weirded out by 1/3 of the genitals there, that's what.
Randomize
