i woke up in his bed, he had my shirt on
and high school musical 3 was playing on his lap top
when im bored during the day i often think, what do people who dont get high do with their day.. i came to the conlcusion that everyone must be getting high
God. I look like such a fucking stand up guy wearing polo shirts. You would totally trust me not to date rape you.
I just had a librarian tell me that "wikipedia is like sex"
When he expanded on the analogy it actually made sense. "you're going to do it either way, so I'm just going to tell you how to do it safely."
don't worry, your friend will b fine, they treat virgins nicely around here
On my way home I stopped at target and bought beer and galoshes. I am a planner.
I think ppl see us as an unstoppable drunken force
We got security called on us. Apparently the wedding down the street didn't appreciate the trespassing or our loud as fuck rendition of We Are Young.
i know you're at the dentist, but this dick pic was too phenominal to wait and i deserve immediate tit compensation
Apparently that big girl from last night tried to take me upstairs when I was blacked out and all I did was grab Qs arm and whisper 'don't let her take me'
You don't know reunion panic until you've exfoliated your butt cheeks.
To the point, I hope I remember where to put my dick when I finally get laid again
You have a 50 50 chance
Were you seriously humming twinkle twinkle little star while cupping my balls?
She said my mask was creepy, took it off with her teeth, and proceeded to bite my neck. I love vampires.
In my life time, I want nothing more than to get a blow job while watching Space Jam.
Randomize
