Don't bone anyone, just think of ur vibrator lol
HHaaaaaaaaa mmmmn vibrator
I can't tell if I miss summer or 5 times a day sex more.
successfully started a charcoal grill with 2 shots of everclear and some aluminum foil. i never wanna leave here
btw my roommates send a round of applause to you and that guy you tried to fuck on our wall. Additionally they hope he got it in.
Im just saying it can't be that bad if he drove himself to the er. We'll head that way when we finish playing scattergories
I accidentally peed all over the couch. It's safe to say I'm not welcome at that house anymore
Stop inviting me to your birth control calender reminders...my job is to test its effectiveness, not know its schedule
Lmao sorry
I think there's a website warning girls about me based on the 4 who approached me separately tonight and called me evil. Fuckyoudave.com?
I think my vagina has grown over, not unlike earring holes when not used in a long amount of time.
I just heard myself say the sentence "I'm gonna go to the bank then take a nap". 8 year old me just slapped my present self through the space-time continuum for being an old fuck.
What the hell man, you basically stole my girlfriend with a bucket of KFC.
He fucked me while wearing his night time breathing machine mask. Does this mean I joined the dark side and he is Darth Vader?
First non virgin Sunday. Bursts into flames.
He said when the pizza came I zip locked one slice and went to the couch and snuggled with it. Does that give you an idea of how my night was?
No, I told him I was busy again this weekend. Eventually he’ll learn. Plus, absence makes the cock grow harder
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