Take one last look at my face, because I'm drinking it off tonight.
that last vodka shot was definitely the straw that broke the camels alcohol tolerance level
from now on when you get up to pee in the middle of the night, check to see if im sleeping in your parking lot.
i do.
Dude I broke my bong in half this morning. I kicked it as I was jerking off. I would never hide anything from you.
He says I tipped the waitress ten dollars because she "smelled like pigs in a blanket."
it was good sex until i became a rubber doll and he became a jack hammer, so i guess overall it was good
Pavlovs bj experiment 2012. Welcome to the program.
It started as ''I want a romantic life right now'' text. It ended with pool table sex.
You don't know true terror until you get stuck in a porta potty while frying your face off.
The moment buddy the elf found out he was human is exactly like the moment I realized I was gay
Worst case: you're extra horny, have no control of your mouth or actions, and maybe murder someone. Child's play.
Also, let me tell you how embarrassing it is to match with someone who seemingly has their shit together at 4:45AM on a Thursday.
Little does she know that you've out-sourced your conscience to a girl who doesn't even wear pants on a regular basis
So I love answering sex questions in intimate relationships class on a clicker when im sitting next to my cousin..
The sex would be better if it wasn’t interrupted because his home detention ankle monitor needed charging. At least I know he’s not cheating on me
Do you even hear yourself?
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