Decided to write a book called "girls don't poop and other myths I wish I still believed in"
it's to the point where working 2 jobs this summer will absolutely not cover how much i will spend on alcohol next semester.
Just spiked the bong with a ludens cough drop with hopes it soothes my throat after i rip it.
He kept pouting and saying i cockblocked him and I kept yelling "I'm sorry...but the cock was never out to be blocked"
Just took last nights make up off with a sock. That hungover.
If I had really thought it through, I would have bought some Depends, popped one on and made this night my bitch.
Did you drink ALL that 151??
No. We drank all the jaeger... Then used the 151 to start the fire. We're also out of paper towels... And your hairspray is flammable.
I think when Jesus turned water into wine it was a sign that we should get drunk off Sangria tonight. Do it for Jesus. He died for your sins.
Nothing like sunday church bells to aid your walk to the pharmacy to get plan b
Do you lock your house? Serious question, I need to know if I can add it to my list of emergency poop stops
If you fuck her..... You will be in great danger. Like in so much danger it would be like walking into a pit of crocodiles who haven't eaten and you also just stole their baby.
i realized my signature handshake has now become a hookup. i love what college has done to me.
I just asked Geoff what he is going to do because Hester left he said he was going to have gay sex with America.
Sorry I didn't have my phone all night. Did we hang last night?
You bit me
Oh lord I need to hear this story
I had a threesome with my hot neighbor and his GF and by threesome I mean I heard them getting it on in their apartment and I was in my apartment with a vibrator
and I may have moaned his name loud enough that they heard me because now he won’t make eye contact
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