Just soaked up some whiskey with a paper towel and then squeezed it into a cup for consumption. New low.
I'm retiring my vagina. Better yet I'm Farve-ing it.
Def the best call fo sho
That way it can come out of retirement anytime and play for different teams. And it can wear Wranglers.
as they left, you opened the door, dropped your pants then yelled "don't leave, this is what you're missing"
I told him I'd rather have sex with his father last night. I'll admit now that I was drunk.
Just climbed to the top of a frozen waterfall! Do you want to do drugs tm night? The two are unrelated.
Suddenly I feel like all I did this summer was have sex in our apartment
I normally need adult supervision or a babysitter, but I refuse to let someone keep me from making irresponsible and wrong decisions at the bar on my last bday ill ever have in texas
I used my tears to chase my tequila. You could say I rallied.
Like please, take your microdick and try to stick it someplace else. It is not welcome in my world.
I wore wrist and ankle weights while we had sex. Does that count as working out?
I HAVE A STRAIGHT LINE ACROSS MY ASS ABOUT THE WIDTH OF A SLIM JIM. ERICA!
I just smoked weed out of a tomahawk, then chased an armadillo with said tomahawk, I love my life.
You can't say that. Only if you have peed on the side of the highway in daylight while signing Christmas songs can you say that.
Theres a free llama on craigslist. Are you in or are you in?
I'm hearing voices and sirens. I'm scared. I heard a manatee out there.
Randomize
