Ross. Joey. Chandler. Who would you do?
I was talking to this girl who was in love with the air force. I was doing decently until I mentioned that the navy actually has more planes. Cockblocked by my knowledge of random trivia again.
Dude, I had to masturbate just to stay warm. Please pay the gas bill?
Annd you probably wouldn't of fallen down the stairs if you didn't insist on taking 'finale shots'
I just took a shower and I feel like 20 pounds of sex just came off of me.
I just made SCOTCHSICLES. no further info is necessary
I'm praying that the company stray cat shows up tomorrow. I think I may have hit it while leaving Friday. Nobody will believe it was an accident after I hit the last one.
I'm in the fetal position watching the little mermaid and trying not to die. When do you come home?
SUNS OUT COOCHY OUT
He's pretending to be my boyfriend so that my family won't bother us when we sneak off to smoke weed
Happy "I'm glad our dad made us sisters and then summarily downgraded himself to sperm donor" day.
Googling enemas while I get a pedicure ... My life in one senence
are you inviting me to ice cream?
the subtext of everything i say to you is inviting you to ice cream
he asked me why I let you steal the gnome, and you jumped out of the bathroom, yelled "you know why!" and ran outside with said gnome
I Projectile vomited a massive question mark on Brent's bedroom wall. Don't tell him it was me. I want him to play the whodunit game.
Randomize
