i just stumbled downstairs, still drunk, to hug my dad and wish him a happy fathers day
but fathers day is next sunday
i realized that after i threw up on his bare feet
So at what point do I tell her that I like fucking these hot southern girls more than I like my relationship with her?
it's like heaven, but drunker
DRUNK CANOEING
Please text me if you survive.
LAND HO BITCH
Now I don't feel so bad about telling everyone that he's 23 and needs Viagra. It's her problem now
So hungover. Have a black eye from where I tried to brush my teeth and stabbed myself in the eye instead. Should make the performance review I was stress drinking about go so much better.
I don't know, I think it's at least a minor achievement when you can light up with the guy who took your virginity and act like you didn't have and incredibly awkward sexual experience together
Some girl is sitting topless in the kitchen and having a Skype video chat with some guy. I already like it here.
Happy 4th. Did you guys get your syphilis thing taken care of?
Because I'm currently dying, lacking waffles, and vaguely convinced I'm an eagle
I wish my nipples were as well behaved as yours.
So we are in the middle of sex and his brother knocks on the door and says "dude I just wanted to know if you want to see the fish I got tonight"
she said she doesn't remember seeing me at all last night. ...I was with her for six hours, there's no way she could have been blackout the whole time
i have two papers due tomorrow. contemplating if i should take adderall in my anus for full effects
my roommates gone so i can take codeine and sleep naked
Randomize
